I have always been a fan of dirt bike mags, growing up with ADB and Dirt Bike (US) I liked the humorous columns and stories. Dirt bikes are fun.
Years ago after reading Super Hunky’s book (famed editor of US dirt bike), I took some of his advice. Apparently, if he couldn’t think of a story he would have a few drinks, so after a few wild turkeys I put together the following in my best Super Hunky style about a true story that happened long ago before I carried a camera everywhere to a, er friend, yeah friend, not me anyway…
Gravity our friend?
We’ve all been injured, that first ride back is usually fraught with all kinds of uncertainty and fear. Am I even ready to go riding? Sometimes life has ways of giving you a subtle hint.
Hardin Coreff, a local with dubious German ancestry [he’s owned two Maico’s] had been laid up for months with a badly broken ankle and he had been suffering withdrawals badly. Other than a few short rides around the farm whilst still in plaster when no one was looking, it had been cold turkey. Bike mags and movies can only get you so far.
Finally able to hobble around without crutches Hardin declared it time to go riding, but nice and safe. Hardin had put a lot of thought into this ride over the last month, it’s not like he had much to do laid up and all. It was decided to forsake the slimy slippery trails across the road he loved so much for the drier, slightly rocky areas north of town. Full of traction and less likely to slip and hurt the ankle the trails beckoned. To ensure safe arrival Hardin had cunningly conned a mate into loading the Husky and snugging it down nice and tight into the trusty rusty old Toyota dual cab, then the riding gear checked off then thrown in the back seat. The ute was then parked on top of the big hill in the middle of the farm, months of little use had left the battery a shadow of its former self and a new battery would double the worth of the old truck. Till a replacement battery could be found lying around somewhere Hardin had enlisted gravity to help. Nothing could stop him now Hardin though clearly pleased with himself.
Secure in the knowledge that everything was ready and double checked Hardin woofed down dinner washed down with a couple of wild turkeys and tried to settle down, but a combination of nerves and excitement had him pinging like an old hot YZ490 in the sand.
Hardin was up early and started the long hobble to the top of the hill near his parent’s house. Jumping into the old Toyota and excitedly hitting the key and being rewarded with no more than a half-hearted groan Hardin selected second gear released the handbrake, pushed in the clutch and… no movement.
Funny Hardin thought it had rolled freely last night, no amount of bouncing Hardin’s considerable frame in the tortured old seat could coax any sign of movement. Undeterred Hardin put her in neutral and opened the door trying to push off with one leg and stay half in the cab with still no success. Then climbing out pushed with all his might whilst balancing on his one good leg. No matter how much Hardin pushed, shoved rocked grunted or swore the truck refused to budge despite facing downhill. All this noise must have disturbed Hardin’s elderly mother who was standing out of the front of her house with that stern look only mothers and wives seem to muster.
“YOUR NOT GOING RIDING ARE YOU?”
Hardin’s Mother bellowed catching him off guard [actually that wasn’t all she said but in the interests of a short story something Mothers never manage we’ll continue]
“I’ll be right mum” Hardin yelled
“What” Hardin’s mum was getting hard of hearing as he hobbled closer he couldn’t help but wonder how she seemed to hear when he was trying to sneak anywhere.
“I’ll be nice and careful” he yelled, this seemed to satisfy Hardin’s mum and she turned to go back inside.
WAIT FOR ME
At that moment Hardin heard the Toyota’s door shut and out of the corner of his eye…. movement. The Toyota was off, slowly at first but picking up speed as Hardin hobbled and hopped over, getting the driver’s door open and half inside.With a freshly healed broken ankle failing wildly out the side of the door on top of a very big hill the truck really started to pick up speed, discretion become the better of valor and the Toyota with the Husky firmly tied in was reluctantly let go.
RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE
The Toyota bounced down the hill at an Alarming rate, in fact, faster than it had ever been down the driveway, Hardin a bit of a hoon felt somewhat miffed that a driverless truck was beating his best efforts. He watched in terror as the truck hurtled towards a sturdy fence quicker than a Politician to a pay rise. At least the fence should slow her down a bit and if I’m lucky it might even miss the big posts thought Hardin. Rattle rattle kaboom, the noise was sickening as the old truck smashed through the fence sending posts and wire flying, but it didn’t slow down, continuing to pick up speed as it burst onto and over the flat in record time. As the truck started to up the hill on the other side of the flat Hardin started to relax thinking the worst was over, the husky was still firmly tied in the back. Surely she’ll roll up the hill stop and come back down to the flat I’m still going riding thought Hardin. To his horror, the truck went three-quarters of the way up the hill and turned to the right heading for the deep dark gulley at the back of the farm.
Heading back downhill the truck careered around two large gum trees jumped across a farm road carved in the side of the steep slope and bounced/crashed out of view. It was easy to tell were the truck [and bike] were, from Hardin’s vantage point he could see the tops of small trees disappearing accompanied by loud cracks and an almighty wackkk, the leaves shaking of a mighty blackbutt that stopped the Toyota in its tracks at the bottom of the gulley.
Hardin standing with his jaw around his knees became aware of his mother standing behind him arms crossed and showing extreme signs of displeasure with the trail of destruction in front of her eyes. As Hardin made a hasty retreat for his house he yelled “I think your right mum I might skip riding today’
The truck didn’t miss big post leaving a deep imprint in front, the right side of truck missing but everything ok in the back, unfortunately, a true story.